The Ami Letters - Vol. 1 (Rabbi Shais Taub)

At long last, read and re-read your favorite questions and answers culled from seven years of weekly Ami columns.

Includes over 70 questions and answers covering real-life issues in the areas of Chinuch & Parenting • Shidduchim • Shalom Bayis • In-Laws • Divorce & Remarriage

Appearing in the pages of Ami Magazine for over seven years, “Ask Rabbi Shais Taub” has gained a wide and dedicated following who return weekly seeking his astute guidance, clarity, inspiration, and deep faith. Rabbi Taub’s trademark style of answering the questioner and not just the question has been praised for its sharp ability to dissect and analyze the readers’ questions as well as its compassion and empathy. Much more than just an advice column, “Ask Rabbi Shais Taub” has become a trusted source for penetrating insights on life, based firmly upon authentic Torah values.

Foreword by RABBI YITZCHOK FRANKFURTER, Publisher of Ami Magazine
The talmidim of the Baal Shem Tov were famously divided as to whether it was their calling to become involved in the mundane problems and issues of their followers. In his Iggeres Hakodesh (22), the Alter Rebbe complained that instead of dealing with questions relating to Torah and the neshamah, he was being inundated with requests for advice and blessings pertaining to physical matters. In the end, even if it was not something they initially wished to do, that is what all the great tzaddikim and rebbeim did—and for a valid reason.

In a letter to a 14-year-old girl, the Lubavitcher Rebbe wrote as follows:
“I received your recent letter and…was somewhat taken aback by the tone… You have surely learned in books of mussar [ethical works] and especially chasidic teachings about the tactics of the yetzer hara to instill a spirit of depression, discouragement and despondency in order to prevent a Jewish person from fulfilling his divine mission… This is exactly what has happened in your case, and I’m surprised that you do not realize it…

“You surely know of the saying of the Baal Shem Tov that a soul comes down to live on this earth for a period of seventy to eighty years for the sole purpose of doing another Jew a single favor materially or spiritually. In other words, it is worthwhile for a Jewish soul to make that tremendous journey and descend from heaven to earth in order to do something once for one fellow Jew.”

I know very few individuals who have done as much for so many of our fellow Jews, particularly in helping them cope with the challenges life has thrown their way, as my esteemed and cherished colleague, Rabbi Shais Taub. The very first time I spoke with Rabbi Taub I recognized his uncanny ability to dissect a person’s emotions and get to the crux of the matter, whereupon I immediately invited him to write an advice column for Ami Magazine. Since then, countless people have gotten to known Rabbi Taub and benefited from his matchless gifts.

Like all true chasidim, Rabbi Shais Taub would rather be teaching Torah and disseminating chasidus. His efforts on behalf of others therefore come at great personal sacrifice, meaning that they are all the more holy.

Of course, anyone who studies Rabbi Taub’s columns closely will realize that he is actually teaching Torah and disseminating chasidus as he advises people how to deal with their challenges. Like apples of gold in settings of silver, there are nuggets of Torah hidden inside his pearls of wisdom.

May he continue to go from strength to strength.

Rabbi Yitzchok Frankfurter, Publisher of Ami Magazine

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chinuch & Parenting
-How Can I Instill Emunah in My Students?
-My Husband Wants Our Children to Play Video Games
-How Can I Get My Husband to Discipline?
-Time to Get Tough With My Kids?
-An Upsetting Call from Our Son's Yeshivah
-Disciplinary Advice for a Modern-Day Menahel
-Do I Side with My Child or with the Hanhalah?
-Confronting the Principal Who Once Expelled My Son
-Conflicted About Whom to Admit to Yeshivah
-Finding Meaning in Motherhood
-Is There a Place for Kosher Entertainment?
-Is My Children's School Too Frum for Me?
-My Son's Classmates Are a Bad Influence
-My Son's School Wants to Register Our Gadgets
-What Gifts to Give on Chanukah?
-Should I Leave My Adult Son to Fend for Himself?
-Can't Rave About Our Daughter
-My Family Has No Need for Me
-Revisiting the Zero-Tolerance Policy
-Should Parents Go on Vacation?
-An Upcoming Bar Mitzvah Brings on Anxiety
-Mother of ADHD Children Seeks Chizzuk
-Should I Allow My Daughter to Go to Boarding School?
-When One's Child Goes Off the Derech
-Life Lessons for Young Grandchildren

Shidduchim
-Keeping My Balance in Shidduchim
-My Parents Sold Me Short
-Questions from an Older Single Girl
-What Is the Point of the Shidduch Process?
-Looking to the Future Following a Disappointment
-Letting a Younger Sibling Get Married With Grace
-My Daughter is Engaged and I'm Worried
-A Questionable Shidduch?
-They Told Us the Chasan Had Great Middos

Shalom Bayis
-Defining Gender Roles in a Marriage
-Should a Spouse Be a Friend?
-Had Enough of Debating My Husband
-I Want to Converse with My Husband
-I'm Falling Spiritually Because of My Marriage
-Help, My Husband Is Too Perfect!
-Fight for What's Right or "Settle" for Shalom Bayis?
-I Want to Change My Wife
-Help, I Am an Exhausted Mother!
-A Disagreement Over Levush
-When A Husband Won't Listen to Advice
-How Do I Stop Feeling Disappointed in My Husband?
-Helping My Husband Deal with Childhood Trauma
-Lack of Guilt for Morbid Thoughts About My Marriage
-My Husband Is on Social Media
-Do We Have to Give Rides to Every Simchah?
-Mourning What My Marriage Could Have Been

In-Laws
-My Brother-in-Law's Success Is Ruining Our Marriage
-Shut Out By My Husband's Family
-Conflict Between My Parents and My Husband
-Moving Against My Mother-in-Law's Wishes
-How Can My Wife Overcome Her Background?
-Effects of Abuse on Other Family Members
-Respecting One's Mother and Wife
-My Wife Doesn't Want to Invite My Mother for Yom Tov
-How Do I Not Resent My Mother-in-Law?
-Avoiding a Frustrating Pesach with My In-Laws
-I Don't Get Along With My Sister-in-Law
-Father-in-Law Struggles with Proper Boundaries

Divorce & Remarriage
-Why Can't I Divorce After Decades of Marriage?
-Do I Want My Husband to Give Me a Get?
-Can We Keep Our Sister's Ex-Husband in Our Lives
-We Decided to Invite Our Ex-Brother-in-Law
-A Divorced Father's Dilemma
-A Young Divorced Man Seeks Chizzuk
-Remarrying an Ex-Wife
-Remarriage Following an Abusive Relationship