Parenting Q&A with Rabbi Shimon Gruen

First time in print

Parenting Q&A is a valuable toolbox filled with down-to-earth advice on parenting, drawn from the weekly columns and talks of renown children and relationship expert Rabbi Shimon Gruen, author of Get Along With Everyone and The Fragile Factor. 

Applicable to children of all ages, Rabbi Gruen’s sensible and practical counsel addresses dozens of contemporary issues on the minds of parents today, including emotions, discipline, religion, and school and camp, with a unique focus on the challenges of raising highly emotional and sensitive children.

Emotions • Discipline • Mitzvos, Shabbos and Yom Tov • School and Camp

TABLE OF CONTENTS
Emotions
• Basics for New Parents    
• Proactive Parenting With Toddlers    
• My Child Is Very Sensitive (I)    
• My Child Is Very Sensitive (II)    
• My Children Come Home Cranky    
• How to Help My Child Control His Anger    
• One Child That Is Just Too Difficult    
• Our Teen Does Not Speak to Us    
• Making Conversation With My Children Is Difficult    
• I Don’t Enjoy Spending Time with My Children    
• Dealing with Jealousy    

Discipline
• Setting Healthy Boundaries    
• Where to Draw the Line on Respect    
• Addressing Extreme Chutzpa     
• My Children Are Constantly Fighting    
• Finding Patience for a Very Active Child     
• At Wits’ End With Misbehaving Child    
• Apologizing to a Child    
• Retracting Punishments    
• Motivating a Lazy Child    
• Technology and Sibling Jealousy     
• Teenagers and Responsibilities    
• My Child Wakes Everyone Up At Night     
• I Caught My Child Lying    
• I Caught My Child Stealing    
• My Spouse Is Too Strict With the Kids    
• We Disagree About Therapy for Our Child    

Mitzvos, Shabbos and Yom Tov
• Incentives for Performing Mitzvos    
• Prompting Children Regarding Mitzvos    
• My Son Refuses to Daven    
• Enhancing Our Shabbos and Yom Tov Meals    
• Which Priorities to Emphasize    
• Children Choosing Their Own Religious Path     
• Engaging Kids During Shabbos and Yom Tov Meals    
• Dreading Making Our Family Chanukah Party    
• We Had a Disastrous Pesach Seder    
• Family Stresses Over Chol Hamoed Trips    
• Guiding Children on Modest Dress    
• Feeling Like a Religious Hypocrite     
• Newly Married Child Making Poor Decisions    

School and Camp
• My Child Struggles Socially    
• Assessing My Child’s Success in School    
• My Son Fears the PTA Meeting    
• Balancing Values Between School and Home    
• Helping a Sensitive Child in School    
• My Teenager Is Struggling in Yeshiva    
• My Son Dropped Out of Yeshiva    
• Summer Camp Stress    
• My Child Doesn’t Like Going to Day-Camp    
• Protecting My Child from Negative Influences    

______________________________________________________________________________

“Highly recommended for all stages of the parenting journey!”
—Dr. David J. Lieberman, Ph.D.

“A treasure-trove for parents of children of all ages.”
—Dr. Meir Wikler, D.S.W.

“Inspires big-picture parenting through the
small-picture details of everyday childrearing.”
 —Sarah Chana Radcliffe, M.Ed., C.Psych.

“A refreshing and indispensable guide.”
—Rabbi Bentzion Shafier

______________________________________________________________________________

What the experts are saying

“This is a smart and realistic guide for parents, filled with valuable insights and practical advice for optimizing our most important relationships. Highly recommended for all stages of the parenting journey!”—David J. Lieberman, Ph.D., New York Times bestselling author and international expert on interpersonal relationships

“Rabbi Zalman Goldstein has once again compiled a well-researched volume replete with realistic vignettes and hypothetical concerns, followed by a structured menu of practical considerations and possible solutions for parents. There is some good common sense in many of the recommendations, as well as some thought-provoking perspectives for viewing a child's conduct—at any age—and for identifying possible dynamics and motivations driving the challenges which a child may pose for his or her parents.

“Having a grasp of human development and its stages, milestones, and associated struggles and conflicts is one key for being able to remain objective while also displaying affection, warmth and empathy as a child wrestles with life stresses. To be sure, there are situations wherein a parent's first move is to seek expert consultation, and not all dilemmas which we face lend themselves to simplistic remedies. It is always important to identify a skilled, licensed, competent clinician who shares the parents' values and core beliefs and to utilize expert services when a family crisis requires more than a parent is capable of providing.

“Much like knowing the difference between first-aid home remedies versus a call to the pediatrician, parents require education, as do teachers, about when a depressed, anxious or combustible child requires professional treatment. When the family concern is not clinical but is within the realm of normal life struggles, a loving parent can be outfitted to connect with their child, to boost their mood, set limits, provide tools for coping, and be a stable reassuring presence rather than a punitive, overreactive disciplinarian. 

"Rabbi Goldstein equips such parents with a nicely organized reference book which is readable, usable and valuable. May he continue to bring merit to many through his sincere scholarship.”—Rabbi Dr. Dovid Fox, Ph.D., Forensic and Clinical Psychologist, Director of Crisis Intervention, Trauma and Bereavement department of Chai Lifeline; Professor, retired; acclaimed author and lecturer

“A treasure-trove of common sense Chinuch guidelines for parents of children of all ages. We owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to the author and compiler for this important work.—Meir Wikler, D.S.W., Psychotherapist, family counselor, and author of Partners With Hashem: Effective Guidelines for Successful Parenting

“This book is a gentle parenting guide that inspires big-picture parenting through the small-picture details of everyday childrearing. Common problems are presented in a way that all parents can relate to. The answers address both the specific parenting dilemma and the general principles that apply to both that dilemma and to an entire philosophy of parenting. In this way, readers gradually acquire a general worldview that guides them on how to effectively and lovingly approach any behavioral or emotional issue that might arise with their children. This book holds the reader’s hand, modeling the supportive and patient approach it advocates. Highly recommended for parents of all age children!—Sarah Chana Radcliffe, M.Ed., C.Psych., Author of Better Behavior Now! and Raise Your Kids Without Raising Your Voice

“Rabbi Shimon Gruen has established a wonderful reputation as a sensitive and compassionate expert on many types of parenting and relationship issues, specifically those involving children in crisis. Drawing from authentic Torah viewpoints, he demonstrates the paramount importance of understanding a child’s uniqueness and inner world, the components of their personality, how they perceive the world and how in turn they relate to the world. Only when parents truly understand who their child is, can they then give them what is needed. Rabbi Zalman Goldstein has done a stellar job in bringing out the major points of Rabbi Gruen’s works in a concise accessible fashion. This is a book that will help many parents and I highly endorse it!—Rabbi Dr. Yitzchak Breitowitz, Rav of Kehillat Ohr Somayach, Yerushalayim, prolific author, and renowned lecturer on Jewish law and ethics

“A refreshing and indispensable guide for parents! This book offers a wealth of practical advice and profound insights for parents seeking to align their parenting approach with the timeless values of our Torah. Drawing on his extensive experience and deep understanding of chinuch, Rabbi Gruen addresses the diverse challenges that parents face today with wisdom and empathy. Whether you are dealing with the tantrums of a toddler, the academic pressures of a school-aged child, or the rebelliousness of a teenager, the advice in this book is relevant, effective, and actionable, making it a valuable resource for every parent.”—Rabbi Bentzion Shafier, Noted relationship expert, lecturer and author

“Parenting today is a greater challenge than ever before in history. As a consultant on issues pertaining to parenting and education, I have been asked the same questions and share the views of Rabbi Gruen, only he more eloquent. At its core, discipline alone fails to help children; in fact, wielded freely and without forethought it can be quite destructive. It is crucial to take a child’s capabilities and emotional life into consideration when making parenting decisions. Highly readable, practical, and insightful. I applaud the author and recommend it for all parents!”—Rabbi Dr. Benzion Twerski, Ph.D., Renowned psychologist and expert on marriage and parenting