Raising a Loving Family

The Journey of Parenting • Raising a Loving Family • The Home Environment
• Shalom Bayis • The World of Emotions • Schooling and Education
• Crisis Chinuch • Creating a Support Network
• Inspiration and Encouragement

Drawn from over 30 years of research, talks, and wisdom of the world-renowned parenting, marriage, and educational expert Rabbi Shimon Russell, this rich repository of foundational parenting psychology and practical down-to-earth guidance will help set you on the way to create loving and enduring bonds with your children.

Applicable for those parenting all ages and stages, it will help you navigate the challenges of raising children in today’s turbulent times, maintain clear emotions and sound reasoning when your family needs you most, and create a deeply loving marriage from which to do so.

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ALSO AVAILABLE AS AN AUDIOBOOK ON AUDIBLE (FREE for new users)
Links to other formats: Audible, Amazon Kindle and Apple Books

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“An extraordinarily valuable book!”
—Rabbi Aaron Lopiansky

“A valuable contribution to the cause of raising loving families!”
—Rabbi Daniel Kalish

“I love this book and highly recommend it!”
—Rabbi Shais Taub

“This book is timely, important, and a must-read!”
—Rabbi Y.Y. Jacobson

“This book is outstanding!”
—Dr. David J. Lieberman, Ph.D.

“Contains a wealth of information!”
—Sarah Chana Radcliffe, M.Ed., C.Psych.

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What the experts are saying

“This book reads just like Rabbi Russell speaks—with clarity, direction, and tender loving care. It brilliantly captures the essence of his important and timely messages. Vignettes and personal experience draw the reader in, bringing Rabbi Russell’s wisdom from the abstract to the practical. In a world that boasts a groundswell of books on parenting, Raising a Loving Family should rise to the top. It is as much a textbook for the professional as for the layperson, and should be in every home, school, and professional practice!”—Rabbi Dr. Benzion Twerski, Ph.D., renowned psychologist and expert on parenting, marriage, and families in crisis. 

“Every couple who sets out to build a Jewish home desires, and generally expects, to raise a loving family. But what happens when somewhere down the line, the dreams and fantasies implode, leaving parents scratching their heads in shock and bewilderment when their child’s behavior takes an unexpected turn? How can parents distinguish between rebelliousness and trauma, between malice and inner brokenness? And how can we expand our consciousness and stretch what we thought were our limits, instead of falling into the counterproductive trap of our own emotional triggers? Rabbi Shimon Russell, an international authority on the phenomenon of young people who opt out of frum life and a longtime Lakewood mental-health professional before relocating to the Jerusalem suburb of Givat Ze’ev, also wants to see us in healthy, supportive relationships. And he’s even given us a book to help us get there. Drawn from Rabbi Russell’s talks and wisdom, Raising a Loving Family — written by author and educator Rabbi Zalman Goldstein — is not only a rich repository of foundational parenting psychology and practical down-to-earth guidance for creating loving and enduring bonds with our children; it’s about how to make kids feel they really matter, and how, by developing healthy parental attachments, to raise them in a way that even if and when problems and crises arise, they’ll have the resilience to weather the storms of trauma and other roadblocks in their young lives. True, there are a lot of parenting guidebooks out there, and some are even Torah-based, but this one doesn’t talk at you, it talks with you and holds your hand. Because no one knows the complex challenges of today’s struggling youth and their overwhelmed, confused, and devastated parents like Rabbi Russell. He’s been there and back himself, on a journey he never wished for and never expected — but one that’s molded him into a person he never dreamed he’d be."—Rachel Ginsberg, excerpted from feature article in Mishpacha Magazine, issue 939.

“I have merited to know Rabbi Shimon Russell for many years. He has helped many individuals and families navigate the challenges that Hashem has sent them. Rabbi Russell is a voice of reason and chizuk for today’s generation. His intelligent and honest guidance will continue to encourage and inspire all who tap into his wise words. Raising a Loving Family is a valuable contribution to the cause of raising loving families!”—Rabbi Daniel Kalish Rosh Yeshiva, Mesivta of Waterbury. 

“This is a beautiful book! There is nothing more important than raising strong, resilient, secure, and loving children, and this book will help every parent towards that vital goal. We owe a profound debt of gratitude to Rabbi Russell for sharing his wisdom and experience, and for reminding us that good parenting ultimately makes us better people.”—Rabbi Dr. Yitzchak Breitowitz, Rav of Kehillat Ohr Somayach, Yerushalayim, prolific author, and renowned lecturer on Jewish law and ethics

“Rabbi Shimon Russell is one of the lights of our generation, helping us all distinguish between rebelliousness and trauma, between malicious behavior and inner brokenness; guiding us to appreciate the distinction between authentic education and responding to our internal emotional triggers; teaching us how to expand our consciousness and ask not what our children can do for us, but what we can do for our children. This book is timely, important, and a must-read for all parents and educators!”—Rabbi Y.Y. Jacobson, renowned lecturer, Torah scholar, and founder of TheYeshiva.net

“Instead of a ‘How-To’ Manual, Rabbi Shimon Russell has graced us with a ‘What Is It’ book. Building a loving family starts with the understanding of what a family is all about, and the dynamics that can create problems later on. Drawing on his decades of experience in many areas of family life and its challenges—having dealt with some of the most difficult and vexing cases—Rabbi Russell shares a down-to-earth and accessible framework. The reader is given understanding, and needs to apply it to his own particulars. An extraordinarily valuable book!”—Rabbi Aaron Lopiansky, Rosh Yeshiva of the Yeshiva of Greater Washington, and noted author

“As I read this fascinating book, three words of our sages kept recurring in my mind: ניכרין דברי אמת—True words are recognizable (Sotah 9b). Rabbi Shimon Russell’s remarkable analysis of early childhood, teen years, and shalom bayis are, as they say in England, ‘spot on.’ On one hand the book reads like a novel, as the crisp writing of his every concept is peppered with delightful stories and anecdotes, and yet paradoxically it reads like a Sefer that requires in-depth thought and review. Whenever I speak about chinuch, I quote Rabbi Russell, as his practical guidance is based not only on his decades of experience, but on his respect and reverence for Gedolei Torah and the views they share about family and child rearing, which he cites in this work. You will relate to this book because Rabbi Russell is brutally honest about his own personal family struggles and how he overcame them. If you are a parent, grandparent, or soon to be a parent, keep this book nearby. It is a guide, a reference book, and, like Rabbi Russell himself, a great friend to have. May the Ribbono Shel Olam bless him and his family for his contributions to Klal Yisroel.”—Rabbi Paysach Krohn, prolific author and lecturer on ethics and spiritual growth

“Rabbi Shimon Russell’s unique understanding of today’s Jewish families has already had an enormous impact on thousands of lives, and earned him, deservedly, a reputation as a giant in his field. However, his immense knowledge and wise approach has never been gathered in writing. Long overdue, Zalman Goldstein has brought his vast experience in writing and publishing to take on this vital project, which will undoubtedly enrich the lives of countless families. Raising a Loving Family is filled with foundational concepts and ideas for parenting in a way that’s effective and transformative. The chapters are immensely readable and actionable, containing many insights, personal stories, and strategies to practice. I love this book and highly recommend it!”—Rabbi Shais Taub, renowned lecturer, mentor, and author, known for his work in the field of family and parenting, and teaching Jewish mysticism 

“This book is outstanding! It can help you to optimize your parenting skills and become the kind of parent every child needs and would love to have. It provides an excellent overview of the importance of secure attachment, outlines steps to repair it when it’s absent or ruptured, and offers practical guidance for helping children in crisis. Rabbi Russell’s encouragement for combining parenting with personal development is most welcomed, as its direct positive effect on the quality of the home environment—increased warmth, love, connection, and decreased power struggles—is often underappreciated and overlooked.”—David J. Lieberman, Ph.D., New York Times bestselling author and international expert on interpersonal relationships 

“This book will compel you to discover understanding and compassion towards your children. Rabbi Russell touches upon some of the most essential ideas about raising children, and does so with wisdom, wit, and warmth. He describes the soul of parenting in a nuanced manner which we can all learn and grow from. If we all heeded his wise and timely advice, our beautiful people will become even more beautiful, with happier and more internally confident children. I love this book, and I am sure you will as well.”—Akiva Perlman, Ph.D., Professor at Wurzweiler School of Social Work, Director at ODA’s Wellness Center, Williamsburg, N.Y.

“This book contains a wealth of information that will help every person negotiate the journey of family life, from laying the solid foundation of healthy family relationships to negotiating the myriad challenges along the way. It explores the psychology, philosophy, and practical how-to of parenting and marriage. Placing emotional health at the center of it all, Raising a Loving Family establishes the priority of connection, safety, and love, and shows readers how to nurture these qualities in themselves and their loved ones.”—Sarah Chana Radcliffe, M.Ed., C.Psych., author of “Better Behavior Now!” and “Raise Your Kids Without Raising Your Voice”

“Rabbi Zalman Goldstein honored me with an advanced copy of his forthcoming book, Raising a Loving Family, another in his fine contributions for forming perspectives on the challenges of developing wholesome relationships. There is a broad range of content, examination of concepts, and readably concise topics. I have often said that the arithmetic of closeness is 1+1=3. There is the self, there is the other, and there is the third facet which is when people work collaboratively as if they were ‘one.’ Please accept my blessing that this volume will assist ‘selves’ and ‘others’ in the pursuit of wholesome individuality and harmonious collaboration.”—Rabbi Dr. Dovid Fox, Ph.D., Forensic and Clinical Psychologist; Director of Chai Lifeline’s Crisis and Trauma Services 

“Emotional and behavioral health have reached a tipping point, such that no parent can opt out of literacy. Love within the family is the best antidote, and often the best treatment, for the incredible distress that we are witnessing today. This is a book every parent and teacher should have. It skillfully combines timeless Torah wisdom with decades of clinical experience, to provide practical guidance for successfully raising children in today’s confusing times.—David H. Rosmarin, PhD, ABPP., Founder of Center for Anxiety in New York, Associate Professor at Harvard Medical School 

“Rabbi Zalman Goldstein has once again supplied Klal Yisroel with a much-needed practical guide—this time on parenting—based on the decades of wisdom and experience of Rabbi Shimon Russell. The book is insightful, current, and necessary for both new and experienced parents. I especially enjoyed the stories and practical tips, which make the concepts as tangible and concrete as possible. A must-read for those who want to excel in the most important privilege Hashem gives us—the ability to raise the next generation of our great nation.”—Professor Ari Wasserman, Esq., Harvard attorney, author and noted Jewish lecturer

“Without a doubt this book will be an enormous help for all parents worldwide. It will help them focus on the priority of chinuch, namely helping the child succeed, as opposed to doing what comes naturally regardless of whether effective or damaging. I am overjoyed about this book, and it is my sincere hope that parents around the world will read it and apply it. Those that do will surely merit an abundance of Siyata Dishmaya to succeed in this all-important task of the chinuch of our children, one of the greatest challenges we face in these turbulent times.”—Rabbi Dov Brezak, Director of Chinuch Lifelines, author of "Chinuch in Turbulent Times"

“What a great combination! Rabbi Russell’s outstanding guidance, presented with Zalman Goldstein’s clear and skillful composition, is something that’s bound to help every parent. This wide-ranging and highly accessible book will show you how to build wholesome and loving relationships with your children that last a lifetime. I appreciate the emphasis on the connection between shalom bayis and raising healthy and well-adjusted children, which are often seen as separate topics. I also enjoy how various parenting situations that present themselves in real life are explained in a way that’s easy to follow and practical to apply, especially the excellent section on helping children who are in spiritual and emotional crisis. I am confident that this groundbreaking work will help parents achieve exactly what the title promises: Raising a Loving Family!”—Rabbi Shimon Gruen, thought leader in the field of Sholom Bayis, Chinuch, and Parenting, and author of “Get Along with Everyone” 

“I was fortunate to meet Rabbi Russell twenty years ago when he spoke at a convention. Maybe it was his British accent, maybe it was the fact that he did not say “um” once during his two-hour lecture; I listened, spellbound. The frum world knows him as a psychotherapist extraordinaire, but for me and countless other mechanchim like me, he is first and foremost a mechanech extraordinaire. To say that he has simply enriched my experience as a menahel would be a gross understatement. Rabbi Russell has given the chinuch world a fresh perspective on understanding and nurturing every student. Acronyms like “A.P.K.,” “S.M.V.” and the “Four S’s of Attachment”; the “Three Stages of Parenting,” “Choice Theory,” “Crisis Chinuch” and the “Happiness vs. Pleasure” paradigm, and countless other foundations of understanding the emotional needs of students, have changed the way we look at chinuch. This book is long overdue; it is a treasure trove of excellent takeaways that can be immediately applied and change the way a person perceives chinuch. Ashreichem to those who read and understand Rabbi Russell’s Torah-true messages; it is timeless advice for the ages.”-Rabbi Dovid Engel, principal of the Toronto Cheder.”—Rabbi Dovid Engel, Principal of the Toronto Cheder 

“This timely and important book addresses the two most fundamental and challenging issues we are facing today—family and love. Family is the crucible in which genuine love is created, cultivated, and internalized. Our sages taught that in the generations that immediately precede the arrival of Moshiach, people will feel estranged from each other and even from themselves. We are indeed seeing this play out in our times. The Torah, however, repeatedly reminds us how we can transform darkness with light, divisiveness with unity, and disconnection with connection. By intensifying our efforts to love and embrace our loved ones, and promoting loving-kindness around us, we ensure that we not only meet the present-day challenges, but we also transform it, leading us closer to the Geulah. Raising a Loving Family, encapsulates the great wisdom and experience of Rabbi Shimon Russell, who lovingly guides us along the journey to becoming a more loving and connected parent, spouse, and member of the community. It’s a solid roadmap that will help every family, and an imperative read for all parents and educators. I highly recommend it!”—Rabbi Yitzchak Schwartz, Rosh Yeshiva and Rav in Givat Ze’ev, Israel, noted lecturer and mentor

“Few areas of inquiry into human behavior have produced as many experts as the fields of chinuch and shalom bayis. Rabbi Shimon Russell is among those who expertly bridge many sides of the field—providing guidance for normative chinuch, marriage, and parenting issues, as well as helping those facing serious and complicated issues, including severe family crisis. His exceptional grasp of both Torah hashkafah and psychology, as well as his knack for conveying complicated and essential information in a way that’s easy to understand—such as within the pages of this book—makes it especially easy for others to relate and benefit. Raising a Loving Family should be on the bookshelf in every Jewish home!”—Rabbi Shlomo Usher Tauber, founder of Kesher Coaching, noted lecturer on Chinuch, Shalom Bayis, and self-improvement

“One of my married sons told me years ago, ‘Dad, you can be grateful that you were bringing us up when you did. Bringing children up today is so, so much harder.’ Of course, he was right. That’s why parents need to be able to access parenting strategies, techniques, and wisdom that work for today’s children in today’s world. Rabbi Russell’s Raising a Loving Family offers all the resources parents need to be successful. Wisdom from a master in his field will make this, ‘so much harder task’ so much easier.” —Rabbi Y.Y. Rubinstein, Senior lecturer for Gateways, noted speaker and author of many works on Jewish thought and behavior